So, these past few weeks have been rough and have caused a lot of emotions. Michael is now back at work so it is the kids and I. I am trying to get us back into a routine. I have this overwhelming feeling when things do not happen at certain times and are not done a certain way. I feel like things just can not flow properly if there is not a routine. So, needless to say when Mike is home we loss routine and I feel very overwhelmed. I love when he is here and I miss him so very much when he is gone. Just when he get here we are so excited because we have not seen him and I do not do the things I need to do and then I get behind. The kids want to spend time with their daddy and our schedule gets thrown to the way side.
Emotions are a hard thing for me to handle sometimes. I have an overabundance of them at times. I do not even know how to explain the way I feel most of the time. When our routine is out of order my emotions are out of order. Maybe it is more me needing the routine than me thinking the kids need it. I am reading this book called Mommy's Locked in the Bathroom by: Cynthia Sumner. It is surviving your child's early years with your sanity an salvation intact! Has been great for me to read when I am ready to go lock myself up for just a few minutes of quite.
So, with all that said I have been praying a lot seeking help on how to overcome this. I have learned through lots of prayer and searching that I get overwhelmed and still do not seek help. Maybe it is pride or super mom syndrome. I do NOT like to ask people to help do something I feel is my job as a mother. (Sometimes I just need to vent I guess, and I have one certain person I am able to do this with and she does not judge me or my family.) I have a wonderful church family that is willing to help me at anytime, but I never seem to be able to ask. Our pastors let me know again last night that they are there for anything and that is such a blessing to know they are there even if I don't ask. But, the Word says:
Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
~Galatians 6:2
~Galatians 6:2
So, maybe this is my wake up call. I just continue to pray for God to lead and direct my path and give me the strength to continue on this path He has laid before me. I also pray that Michael can find work at home and make the money needed to support our family, so he does not have to be gone all the time anymore. Then our kids will have their mom and dad home to go to. (Especially with our boys getting older.)
I just continue to pray that God will give me strength, compassion, and a more forgiving heart.
